#דידזשססעלבלאָעם ישוז אַ ניט-אַנטשולדיקונג אַנטשולדיקונג

Instead of attending the European Parliament to answer questions about comments he made in an interview with a German newspaper, Jeroen Dijsselbloem issued a non-apology apology for his offensive comments. We took a forensic look at his letter, drawing on the expertise freely available on the Internet at the ‘About Relationships’ website, writes Dolly Forbes-Hamilton.

Cherie Burbach - Friendship Expert - is the source and the author of many publications that Jeroen should maybe think about dipping into, among them: ‘100 Simple Ways to Have More Friends’, ‘My Soul Is From a Different Place’ and the classic ‘Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering a Pizza’.

But before we turn to Cherie, let’s lay out the initial comment that caused such a furore:

"Zum einen machen wir uns nach außen hin berechenbar, wenn wir ihn konsequent anwenden. Zum anderen wirkt der Pakt innerhalb der Eurozone vertrauensbildend. In der Euro-Krise haben sich die nördlichen Eurostaaten solidarisch mit den Krisenländern gezeigt. Als Sozialdemokrat halte ich Solidarität für äußerst wichtig. Aber wer sie einfordert, hat auch Pflichten. Ich kann nicht mein ganzes Geld für Schnaps und Frauen ausgeben und anschließend Sie um Ihre Unterstützung bitten. Dieses Prinzip gilt auf persönlicher, lokaler, nationaler und eben auch auf europäischer Ebene.”

Or, according to Google translate:

"In the euro crisis, the northern Eurozone countries have shown solidarity with the crisis countries, and as a social democrat, I consider solidarity to be extremely important. But I cannot spend all my money on liquor and women and then ask for your support, which is true at the local, national, and even European level."

Jeroen’s apology reads: “Regrettably, some people were offended by the way I expressed myself. Choice of words is of course personal as is the way they are picked up. I shall be even more careful in the future as it is never my intention to insult people.”

אַדווערטייזמאַנט

One of Cherie’s rules is: ‘Sincere Apologies Don’t Use the Word ‘If’’

OK, Jeroen does not actually use the word ‘if’ but it is implied in the qualifications: ‘some people’ which reads as ‘a small cohort of politically correct feminazis and profligate Southern European states’ found my remarks offensive, which by the way they were. This could be described as the Milo Yiannopoulos defence. Milos was a well-known loud mouth of the beginning February 2017 period of history, he has thankfully returned to obscurity.

Cherie says a friend does not try to ease things on themselves. While acknowledging that his choice of words was personal – a clarification that is hardly needed – Jeroen goes on to say that the choice of how they are ‘picked up’ – read understood – is also personal.

I have tried to apply another interpretation on the words and failed. They are not open to another interpretation and therefore not to being understood as anything other than as an insult by the reader. To accuse the offended of having poor reading/comprehension skills, is not just a non-apology, it is a further insult.

As Cherie says, even when there is a real apology “some friends think that the issue is done and you can go back to being pals again.” Again, Jeroen is in a tricky spot here, it is really difficult to roll this one back. One can only assume that he really does think like this, which is pretty extraordinary given the level of punishing austerity that has been inflicted upon the Greeks and others who have been particularly stoical; especially since evidence suggests that the approach has not only been punitive but counterproductive.

There has also been a bit of a time lag, Cherie says: “You need to say you’re sorry quickly enough so that you and a friend can make it back to being buds again.” Otherwise, they may “have worked through the issue themselves and one of the ways they might do it is by ending your friendship.”

Not to worry though, our sage says “Even if this happens, you should still apologize and take responsibility. A late apology (even one that does not repair a relationship) is still the right move to make.”

Yet another area where Jeroen is found wanting is in his choice of audience and place for apology. Cherie says, “If your gaffe was done in front of a group of people, you should apologize in front of the group and make time to talk with your friend in private after.” The European Parliament would have been the best option here, it is a pity that you missed the opportunity and chose this feeble letter instead.

We hope this has been helpful, remember it is never too late for a real, heart-felt apology.

And finally, back to Cherie “Knowing how to sincerely apologize makes you a stronger friend, so be sure to take your time and do it right.”

Response letter by President Dijsselbloem to the members of the European Parliament

Dear members of the European Parliament,

Thank you for your letter of 27 March 2017 in which you comment on my remarks in an interview with the German newspaper Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung. Allow me to respond to this letter and reflect on the specific issues you have raised.

In my interview with Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung I have underlined the importance of solidarity and reciprocity within the European Union.

I made the point that the agreed framework is crucial for confidence in the Eurozone, both in the outside world and between member states. For solidarity between the member states, which I value very much, it is crucial that we all show commitment and responsibility. Let me recall the exact wording:

"Zum einen machen wir uns nach außen hin berechenbar, wenn wir ihn konsequent anwenden. Zum anderen wirkt der Pakt innerhalb der Eurozone vertrauensbildend. In der Euro-Krise haben sich die nördlichen Eurostaaten solidarisch mit den Krisenländern gezeigt. Als Sozialdemokrat halte ich Solidarität für äußerst wichtig. Aber wer sie einfordert, hat auch Pflichten. Ich kann nicht mein ganzes Geld für Schnaps und Frauen ausgeben und anschließend Sie um Ihre Unterstützung bitten. Dieses Prinzip gilt auf persönlicher, lokaler, nationaler und eben auch auf europäischer Ebene.”

In the days following the publication of the interview my words were linked to the situation in countries in Southern Europe during the crisis years. It is very unfortunate that this link was made as this was not what I said. And it certainly was not what I had intended. The crisis has impacted societies throughout the Eurozone at great social expense and solidarity has been very much justified.

Regrettably, some people were offended by the way I expressed myself. Choice of words is of course personal as is the way they are picked up. I shall be even more careful in the future as it is never my intention to insult people.

Building a community, including solidarity, comes with commitment to joint values, laid down in our legal agreements. Let me be absolutely dear, this applies to all members of the EMU. Frameworks like the Stability and Growth Pact and the Banking Union are what keeps the Eurozone united and strong. On this base we can build and take next steps together.

Let me conclude by saying that I remain fully committed to work together with you as members of the European Parliament and all European citizens to strengthen our economies and our monetary union.

דייַן בעעמעס,

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